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Blue Monday

January 21, 2019 - romanticpathofselfdestruction / theuniverse -

According to the eccentric Dr. Cliff Arnall, the third Monday of January is the most depressing time of the year. The concept takes into account, weather, level of debt, time since Christmas, time since failing new years resolutions, low motivational levels and feeling of the need to take action. The formula additionally equates for time traveling, time spent relaxing, time spent in stress and time spent packing.

Although he makes use of this self created, totally nonsensical mathematical equation to determine his said “blue Monday” date, one cant help but feel that the truth lies somewhere between zz=time spent relaxing and st=time spent in a state of stress.

After successfully keeping my own leased flesh container alive for 25 years, thus surviving 25 new years, I’ve learned not to make new years resolutions therefor not spiralling into the depths of hungover despair and failure. Instead of making new years resolutions, if anything I find small yet gradual resolutions throughout the year to be not only feasible but as undepressing as possible.

I’ve also learned to avoid people I do not care about over the Christmas holidays. It takes one holiday of melodrama to isolate yourself from part of your family by simply saying “I no longer wish to see you over the holidays”. After a brief month of irritation and fighting you no longer have to feel obligated to see them for the remainder of the life of your flesh container. If you don’t wish to cease seeing such person or persons indefinitely I suggest using the classic excuse of relieving your bladder every time said person engages in conversation with you.

To keep time spent relaxing at a maximum and to keep time packing at a minimum I only bring pyjamas to any holiday event, to keep comfortable in case the possibility of catching a few minutes of unexpected shut eye should reveal itself and to reduce waistband oppression. I suggest layering of pyjamas for supplementary warmth.

Since my motivational levels are low year round and my feelings to take action only kick in when it means climbing into bed it is no wonder that my birthday almost always falls on a blue Monday. But alas this year it falls on the Tuesday afterwards. Although, it may be equally as bad- blue Tuesday, the hangover from blue Monday sounds significantly worse.

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