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November 4, 2015 - mirrormirror -

Now, everybody knows that internet security is nonexistent.

The CIA, the FBI, the ILLUMINATI. Yes, they know EVERYTHING about you. They know who you flirt with on MSN, who you’ve been stalking on facebook. They know your preferences in pornography, what music you like, what drugs you like. They know who talks about you behind your back. They know all of it, so why bother, right?  Unless you are planning to set a bomb off or something, they probably aren’t going to do anything to your life – so who cares? Right? SO SHUT UP! FUCK! WE KNOW ALREADY! SO FUCKING WAT!


Perhaps the newest and most disturbing new breed of internet spy has arrived on the scene.

Recently,  with the development of the Superintergalactic Totalitaricoverage Plan (SIGTCP), offered by ROGERS Mobile – a whole new breed of people are tuning in to the goings-on of all those of you who mercilessly whore your personal lives on the internet…

Bushmen. Cyber-bushmen.

“Bushmen. So what? Maybe that’s, like, the dumbest thing I’ve, like, ever hrrrrd,”  I hear you say.

HA! Well, let me assure you. This is a grave, grave, thing indeed. Whereas the CIA, FBI, ILLUMINATI, and advertising merchants collect all of your data in a purely detatched, unemotional way, the Cyber-Bushmen are FAR more JUDGMENTAL.

Believe me, they see what you’re up to. And they are LAUGHING at you. They see that nice new metrosexual haircut, that fake tan. They see those really “emotional, caring” QUOTES you put in on the Facebook wall every day. To them we are so worthless, pathetic, and hilarious. They have seen your tinder and e-harmony profiles, and that you have an account on Pinterest, and one on HOT OR NOT. There are seemingly unlimited sources of hilarity for these Judgmental bearded freaks all over the internet. They laugh and laugh and laugh at all of you.

The Cyber-Bushmen have a communication network of their own, not dissimilar in structure as to, say, an inbred family tree. And they are all laughing. Because, in truth, on the internet, most of us are TRULY fucking pathetic. OMG!




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