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small talk sickness

May 20, 2017 - mirrormirror -

 One day while staring out of a coffee shop window  i realized that i wasn’t there anymore. my body sat and sipped, while a part of my mind, the equivalent of peripheral vision to the eyes, realized that the rest of my mind had left me, to a place it could leave the hideous world of social acrobats and small talk sickness. It could once and for all be relieved of uncomfortable human interactions.

I don’t know why my body didn’t just die that day. Something to do with the laws on inertia perhaps; my body was moving in one direction day after day for so long that it had to keep going in that direction. My mind just couldn’t keep up with the social struggle and string of routine check-ups so it dissociated into an infinite void.

I was like everyone else, doing the menial day to day tasks, i went to the bank and conversed with the clerk and smiled and bought food that would sit, grow green and fluctuate in shape. I rode my bike down suburban streets, i watched commercials between regularly scheduled televised shows, i ate bacon and i ate eggs.

My body stayed the way it had while the sad glimpse of consciousness behind the eyes would process the image of myself in mirrors as nothing more than another piece of furniture or knicknack in the room. i had become separated, the mind on vacation, and the body an object.

Nikon FM2
Carl Zeiss 28mm/2.8
Ilford XP2/HP5 ISO 400

self portraits

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