This painting is about a feeling of dissociation from my body and alienation from the people and places around me. Feelings of extreme social anxiety and anxiety about my body started creating a disconnect within myself a few years ago, where at times I wouldn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I became an object like the lamp in the corner or a painting on the wall. I was lost in my head.
In the work I cut off the most human as well as the autonomous parts of the body, the head, arms, hands and legs. Without these parts the body becomes merely a piece of flesh, it becomes merely an object. I mixed this vulnerable imagery with images of a drug induced hallucination where in this particular event I experienced this isolated, alienated landscape that took over and filled my vision with vast, vibrating, yellow sand.
The title of this painting is ‘Flower Pot’, I see the hands as I see cut flowers. I see them taking from the body, taking and using its energy to support itself and giving nothing back. The hands depict the insecurity about my sexual well being and safety and not feeling comfortable with the people around me in that moment and the feeling sexually vulnerable and used.
I wanted to expose and embody these feelings in the hopes of sharing these emotions and mental states I have. Many people also have these feelings but feel isolated and different. We contradictorily are connected by ours disconnection.View other posts by Winter