Alice & OZ – the acid post
this is the reflection between two characters about the blurry fantasy we paint with alcohol and other mind altering substances around our world – around us.
it’s Friday the 13th. people party, make horror movies, or win zillions in the lottery. according to google and companions most people just believe in having bad luck, or a baby . . .
we took acid on Friday the 13th.
It’s Friday the 13th and it just so happens that it’s a full moon too and it just so happens that I’m dropping a tab of acid and it just so happens that I’m on a boat sailing my mind to an island as the sun sets. it also just so happens that I hate boats and my breath starts to fasten and my heart starts imploding in disillusioned fear. I land on solid ground and I don’t know where I am, my other acidic breathed friends don’t know where they are either, all we know is that we are there together…kind of.
We are looking for a fire. We got an invitation to a secret fire on the beach back when our minds were still turned on. We are lost but we are lost in our brains and in the slithering ground too. We take off our shoes and walk over rough ground, insects and cigarette butts.
We eventually find the fire and are greeted by three huge wirery haired dogs, a raging fire and raging people.
I am a baby. My brain is fresh and sensitive. I lay down on the sand, I’m torn between staying warm by the fire and staying as far away from these dagger toothed fiends as possible.
A fight breaks out and knives are drawn but I am entranced by the milk dipped moon. The clouds lap it’s silky cheeks like white capped waves in a Black Sea. The lake water shines with reflecting diamonds and for a moment all I can hear is the soft shore like a calm breath. I come back to reality and the beast dogs are barking and the fire burns too close to flesh for the comfort of the crowd, eyes are blazing.
I get up and walk into the woods feeling the long tuffs of grass under my feet and the fire is 10 years past. I exhale so deeply my lungs leave my body. I sit and watch the grass rock me like a child, the leaves of a willow tree sing me a lullaby with mama wind. Every hair on my body dances like wind chimes. I am melting into the earth. I am sleeping.
I am shook, I am dragged, I am back in the boat, I am dying, my eyes are leaving my body, I am wet, I am cold, I am back in the city, it is loud, where is all this noise coming from? There are cars, look out for cars, I am in a bathroom, it is dirty, I am peeing, I am dirty, dirt ties a knot in my stomach, I see my reflection, who is that? My arms look artificially attached, I am on a subway, I am sick, all these people are sick, this girl has bruises on her knees in front of me, she is bleeding and laughing and laughing and laughing, my stomach lurches, the door chimes, I slide through, I’m on a couch, my body is sleeping, my mind is awake, my mind is awake, my mind is awake, awake, awake, awake, awake, awake, the sun is rising.
honestly I didn’t do the acid trip on the 13th, but it was a Friday and I promise it was scary . . .
the neighbours in trailer park country were throwing an octobeer-fest and the last thing I remember is dropping MDMA rocks in a parachute I’m chasing down with a bottle of rum,
we leave the farm, I leave the planet.
I open my eyes and find myself wrapped up on the floor of the farm trailer. I look around, I feel weird. people scattered on the floor, sleeping, snoring the hymns of liquor and beer, exhaling fumes of extinction after the battle their body lost against insanity the night before. I try to move, I feel stuck, physically stuck wrapped up in that bloody, smelly blanket, mentally stuck seeking for an exit. I get on my feet and fall. I get up on my feet again, stumble over to the mirror look into it and can’t see myself. my teeth hurt, they feel rotten, I must have ground them to the gums, I must have lost them all or at least some. I can’t see myself in the mirror, I touch my mouth, I’m bleeding. my ear hurts, I touch it, where is my earring, where’s my fuckin diamond? ripped off, great, wait.. what’s my name again? I don’t remember. I’m mentally stuck, trapped in a box, in a trailer, my mind is a box trapped in itself – that’s the only thought I can capture and I still don’t know what’s going on. the walls are moving, up, down, to the left and to the right. If I had a compass it wouldn’t work. north, south, west, east doesn’t exist no more, I have no idea where I am, I don’t know the address, not the house number, nor on which planet I am or in which galaxy – do I exist? I’m dead. that seems to make sense. it’s like in these movies, I can see myself leaving the body, walking among the passed away, finding my way through the passed out on the floor. I spot a pirate, sitting in the corner of the kitchen. he has a black eye and a parrot on his shoulder. he gets up and walks over to me, looks at my puzzled ‘whats-left-of-the-face-I-can’t-see-anymore’: Luke it’s me uncle .. you’re on liquid acid man.
I remember my name and then I loose my senses:
I did a candy flip and I’ve been trying to come back for over two days now, I haven’t slept, barely eaten, I feel sick. I don’t exactly know what a candy flip is, but that’s what they told me and what I know is that I flipped, into a world I’m not sure about, if I wanted to see it. what it bascially did is simple, it showed me very clearly what the world is like, not even a different world, the same world from different point of views, from another perspective, telling me how bad we are, how bad I am. I know the bad things exist and they will always be out there, but how can I change it, what can I change? can I become a ‘better’ person, if that exists? save me! I keep telling myself, that there is no sense, no hope, no light. the acid trip showed me the world upside down, nothing made sense any more and it didn’t have to make sense, it was simple and pure, but accepting reality with all its edges and traps, dead ends and corners – once it comes back to you – seems to be out of reach. the world with no sense, made a lot of sense, the ‘real’ world doesn’t. how can it, when you realize, that so many things just don’t make sense at all. what is sanity, what’s insanity now? I’m still looking for the answer . . .View other posts by AliceAndOz